Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
