and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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