you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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