I wish I could teleport
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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