you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
