i may or may not be watching the land before time
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
