Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
