Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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