Do you still have your period?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
