I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize