Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
