East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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