I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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