my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
