oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
