Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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