So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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