My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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