ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
