Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
