In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
