Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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