oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize