No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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