In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
