Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
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So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize