I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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