i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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