I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
