I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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