Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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