i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
