I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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