Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
