This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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