Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
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Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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