i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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