I just gift wrapped bread.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
