I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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