i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize