I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
