whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
