i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
