If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.