dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
