Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
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You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
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we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee