you're like a bully in the Christmas story
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?