you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
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Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs