She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.