I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
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Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
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He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.