I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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