At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
