Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
