but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
