it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
