Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
