Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(410): View more from Maryland

sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well

Fav 27 1025 5084
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers

Fav 1 2421 1162
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(803): View more from South Carolina

She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.

Fav 13 1619 3291
share tweet
(559): View more from California

Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.

Fav 5 1969 962
share tweet
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(705): View more from Ontario

He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.

Fav 7 2240 1083
share tweet
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..

(587): View more from Alberta

Wow. We're meant to be..

Fav 13 2988 928
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(202): View more from Washington, DC

She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."

(301): View more from Maryland

That wasn't a compliment.

Fav 15 959 2555
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(506): View more from New Brunswick

I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together

Fav 1 132 117
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(815): View more from Illinois

while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.

Fav 2 48 2
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT