kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.