is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right