I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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