I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
