I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
