I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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