Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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