note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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