"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
