and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
