Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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