WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
