this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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