i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
