mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
