Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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