he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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