Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
