there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
time to smoke my breakfast
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
