It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
