I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
