Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
