You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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