You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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