I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
