Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
